Tempted

"Will it tempt you if I order a pizza?"

Most of the time, I view my husband as a reasonable, intelligent person. Then he asks that question, leading me to wonder if his brain has been snatched by aliens and replaced by a pizza oven.

I have slipped up here and there, but, on the whole, I am doing great. I have already lost 10 pounds--10 pounds which will come back IMMEDIATELY if I am trapped in a room with spicy, aromatic pizza.

My solution is to keep the cupboard, fridge, and coupon collection free of junk food, processed food, or anything that tastes better than oatmeal. Problem: this only works if the dieter lives alone, preferably in a remote mountain shack without refrigeration or a telephone. Or a husband. Especially without a husband.

My husband and I both try to eat healthy, but he is a tall, muscular man who weighs about 100 pounds more than me. So, due to that cruel twist of nature that gives men the ability to eat their own weight in bread and STILL fit into a medium t-shirt, his cheat days are a lot more fun than mine.

We discovered early on that when cheat day rolls around, HE can eat a large Papa John's supreme with hot wings and not gain an ounce. I, on the other hand, can nibble a pepper out of the box and spend the next day with a visible roll of fat around my middle, announcing to the world that I am a cheater.

I have a new strategy to keep from cheating. I try to keep low-cal snacks on hand that my husband doesn't really like. Artificial crab meat, for one. You can get a package for about $2.00, and it's great to snack on when you are trapped in a room that smells really, really, really, really tasty.

If that fails, go to www.urbanoutfitters.com and look through the clothes that are still too small and will ALWAYS be too small if you slip up and gobble half a pizza. I have my eye on an awesome pink dress that has been marked down from $70 to $19. Now, THAT is tempting!